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  • 10 Sep 2015

    Assertiveness

    Most of us have been in situations where we wanted to say something, but didn’t, in order to avoid conflict. In the same situation, some of us tend to raise our voices or get angry, often saying things that we regret later.

    Those of us who are not able to express ourselves assertively will often remain silent (at our own cost) or give in resentfully. Some people will use sarcasm as a way of punishing or undermining the other person. This is a typical passive (or submissive) way of communicating.

    At the other end of the scale, some of us contain our feelings until we eventually explode in anger, leaving no room for communication. By being aggressive in this way, we put our wants, needs, and rights above those of others. We attempt to get our way by not allowing others a choice.

    One of the myths about assertive behaviour is that it involves being aggressive. This isn’t true. Being assertive means being neither passive nor aggressive, but still being able to communicate what we really think, in a logical, non-threatening way.

    • Aggressive people seek a win-lose solution: I’ll be the winner; you’ll be the loser.
    • Passive people accept a win-lose solution: You’ll be the winner; I’ll be the loser.
    • Assertive people try to find a win-win solution

    Assertiveness involves clear, calm thinking and respectful negotiation within a space where each person is entitled to their opinion. It involves being clear about what you feel, what you need and how it can be achieved.

    This requires confident, open body language and the ability to communicate calmly without attacking another person.

Published by James Osborne September 10th 2015

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James Osborne
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